i wanna share this very good article i had read years back from health and home magazine...this has helped me in my daily living...i hope this will touch you too...i highlighted the lines that i love most...^^
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Fill your love cup
Down deep in your heart there’s a cup. Not a fine china, silver, or gold. But a cup of feeling and emotion, that when filled makes life worth living. I call it the love cup. It measures your level of contentment. In essence, it’s your psychological well-being. To speak of a cup of love is, of course, a metaphor. But this word picture might help you better understand a difficult concept. Let me see if I can’t help get you in touch with your cup.
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Close your eyes. Picture yourself as a child, snuggled close to your mom’s sweet scent of perfume. She’s rocking you. She smiles; you smile. She strokes your cheek. Softly, she sings a lullaby. Your tummy is full of her good milk. You’re warm and cozy and dry. Do you feel yourself filling? Ahh, such contentment! You’re in school – your favorite teacher pauses at your desk, gently touches your arm, smiles, and says, “Do you have any idea how lucky I feel to be your teacher? You’re doing so well in your schoolwork. And I appreciate how kind and helpful you are to your classmates. Thank you for being you.” Are you catching the feeling?
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Pause again, and think of a warm day. The scent of blossoms in the air, birds singing. No clocks. No worries. Picture yourself with someone you really care about, someone you love. You feel secure next to this person. It just feels good being close. Then that special one turns to you, gives you a hug, and shares how much you’re appreciated – how much you’re friendship means. Concentrate on the scene for a few seconds. Wow, how do you feel? What’s happening to your love cup? Can you feel it filling? Surely, you do; LOVE TRANSFORMS, MOTIVATES, AND INSPIRES.
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It’s not a romantic love, of which I write. Passion is a roller-coaster dependent on circumstances: driven by desire; stimulated by physical involvement, and depressed by hurt and alienation. The love that fills the empty place in a heart is neither eros, nor philos – a love that gives to get. It is agape. It is a principle, not necessarily devoid of emotion, but not dependent on it either. IT IS LOVE GIVEN WITH NO STRINGS ATTACHED, JUST BECAUSE THE OTHER EXISTS. WHEN EXPERIENCED, ENDORPHINS – WHICH ARE CHEMICALLY SIMILAR TO MORPHINE – FLOW INTO THE BRAIN, PRODUCING THE SENSE OF SECURITY, PEACE, AND CALM. ONE FEELS GOOD BECAUSE ONE FEELS INTRINSICALLY VALUABLE. MUCH OF THE TIME WE’RE UNAWARE OF THE CUP WITHIN US. WE GET BY EXISTING FROM DAY TO DAY WITH A PARTLY FILLED CUP. WHEN IT’S EMPTY, WE FEEL IT HARD AND COLD WITHIN, ALMOST LIKE WE’RE DYING. WHEN IT’S FULL, WE FEEL THE OTHER EXTREME, AN ALL-ENCOMPASSING WARMTH AND CONTENTMENT. IT MAKES US EAGER TO SHARE. WE WANT TO SING AND SHOUT FOR JOY, AND WE TRULY BEGIN TO LIVE. LIFE IS FOR LIVING, NOT MERELY EXISTING.
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No one wants to falter from an insufficient love supply. So think about that love cup inside you. Sharpen your senses to signal you when your cup begins to empty. Fine-tune your perceptions to the feelings of others. Learn to catch their signal, “my love cup is running low.”Your love cup and behavior YOUR LOVE CUP IS LIKE AN EMOTIONAL BAROMETER THAT CAN PREDICT BEHAVIOR. WHEN IT’S FULL AND OVERFLOWING, YOU BECOME A LOVING PERSON. IT’S AS IF YOUR LIFE IS SO FILLED WITH LOVE THAT YOU CAN’T HOLD IT ALL! YOU WANT TO SHARE THOSE GOOD FEELINGS WITH OTHERS. BUT WHEN YOUR CUP IS RUNNING LOW, YOU FEEL UNLOVED, REJECTED, WORTHLESS, AND EMPTY – YOUR HAVE NOTHING TO GIVE. WHEN YOUR CUP IS DRAINED, YOUR WORLD TURNS NEGATIVE: ANGER, CRITICISM, SARCASM, GUILT, AND BITTERNESS RUSH IN TO FILL THE VOID. YOU HAVE NOTHING BUT BITTER GALL TO SHARE WITH OTHERS.
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Most children and many adults equate love with attention. When denied attention they feel unloved. So they seek attention. And it doesn’t take long for a child to learn a sure-fire road to get it: just be obnoxious, disobedient, or destructive! Many grow up viewing life negatively – becoming bossy, demanding, sarcastic, demeaning, or complaining individuals. They blame God for dealing them a losing hand. They are unhappy, perhaps bitter, because their fathers never gave moral support, or their mothers failed to comfort them, or their friends wouldn’t stand up for them. THEY LIVE IN AN ALIEN WORLD WHERE NO ONE CARES. FEARFUL OF BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF AND HURT ONCE AGAIN, THEY’VE LEARNED TO LOOK OUT FOR THEMSELVES. THEY SPEND THEIR TIME SELFISHLY INDULGING THEMSELVES, TOO OFTEN STEPPING ON OTHERS TO GET WHAT THEY WANT. BUT WHAT THEY REALLY WANT – LOVE – SEEMS ALWAYS TO ELUDE THEM.
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They never experience the joy of giving; they never feel they have anything to give. Their lives are empty; they crave love. But THEIR LOVE CUPS REMAIN EMPTY BECAUSE THEY HAVE NEVER LEARNED THE LESSON, “IT IS MORE BLESSED TO GIVE THAN TO RECEIVE.” THEY DON’T APPRECIATE THE FACT THAT THE MORE YOU GIVE THE MORE YOU WILL RECEIVE. In their overwhelming concern for themselves, they develop characteristics that make them difficult to live with and impossible to love.
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Mindy’s husband was difficult to love. He never remembered his dad saying, “I love you,” and he grew up having to look out for himself. Now married, he found it hard to be warm and responsive. Mindy was just about ready to give up on her marriage when she came to the weekend women’s retreat and heard these words, “DO YOU SOMETIMES FEEL EMPTY AND WISH SOMEONE WOULD GIVE YOU A LITTLE LOVE AND ATTENTION? WELL, THE ANSWER MIGHT BE TO FIRST GIVE SOME LOVE AWAY.”
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Mindy was intrigued by the love-cup principle. Could it be that her husband was unloving because his love cup was empty and he had nothing to give? She determined to try and fill him up. Then when he was full and overflowing there might be a chance that he could be loving too. Mindy decided to make a list of all the reasons she loved her husband. When she got home from the retreat she asked him to sit down because she had a list of things to read him. His back bristled. Immediately he thought about the faucet that didn’t work and the light bulb that needed changing. He sat in silence as Mindy began reading her list, absorbing words he hadn’t heard since honeymoon days.
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At the end, he smiled weakly and asked, “Is that all?” “Oh no,” she said quickly, thinking of a few more reasons. He then got up and went to his desk and shuffled through some papers. Nothing like this had occurred in their marriage for a long time, and he just didn’t know how to respond.
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Now I must interrupt and give you an insight that happened a number of years before. Then I’ll tell you the end of the story. Mindy had wanted a mixer that kneaded bread dough. She knew the budget could never stand this luxury item, but she asked her husband anyway. “Honey, do you think we could get one of those mixers that make bread?” “I’ll make a deal with you,” he bargained, “if you lose weight, I’ll get you the mixer.” Mindy tried. She starved herself and gained five pounds. Two years went by. No weight lost – and no mixer. And then the love list.
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Later that afternoon, he called to Mindy. “Oh, Mindy, I’ve decided I should go down to the bank and arrange for the financing to get the jeep fixed, and while I’m there I might as well get enough money for that bread mixer that you’ve been wanting.” It was his way of saying, “Mindy, I love you too.” And the result? Mindy began losing weight – even with mouth-watering loaves of fresh home-baked bread in the kitchen! What can you learn from Mindy’s story? Just this. WHEN YOU FEEL UNLOVED AND YOUR LIFE SEEMS EMPTY, IT’S TIME TO START REACHING OUT TO OTHERS. BUT IN THE PROCESS OF FILLING OTHERS WITH LOVE, THE CHANCES ARE THAT LOVE WILL BE POURED BACK INTO YOUR LIFE IN WAYS THAT YOU MIGHT LEAST EXPECT. But caution! DON’T GIVE LOVE TO GET! GIVE LOVE BECAUSE GOD SAYS THAT’S WHAT YOU SHOULD DO. GIVE LOVE REGARDLESS OF THE OUTCOME. GIVE LOVE EVEN THOUGH IT MAY SEEM WASTED.
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